Cool Girl Syndrome

Hello blog, long time no see.

I want to write about a friend of mine, let’s call her Emma for the sake of this post. That isn’t actually her name but you’ll realise why I’ve changed it.

The modern world has changed the way we socialise. It’s changed how we communicate with one another, how we show ourselves to other people, it’s influenced our behaviour, allows us to spy on one another, judge each other, base peoples worth on how many likes they get on Instagram… you get the drift. It’s changed how we date, how we meet and how we form friendships and relationships.

In the case of Emma, she got what I like to call ‘Cool Girl Syndrome’. Cool girl syndrome has many symptoms. CGS can be caught from various sources. It can be from the TV, from the internet, from the person who bullied you, from the guy/girl who broke your heart.

Now if you’ve ever seen the film ‘Gone Girl’ you may know what I’m talking about.

Amy’s monologue in Gone Girl goes like this: ‘Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.’

Now sometimes the modern day, real life girl suffering from ‘Cool Girl Syndrome’ is a lot more subtle and I’d say it’s something most girls are guilty of. Particularly my good friend Emma, who of course knows I’m writing this about her/for her.

The cool girl is the girl who doesn’t really expect dates – in fact she thinks its ridiculous that you’d have to put your hand in your pocket – but that doesn’t mean she’s a feminist because that would of course make her a manhater. The cool girl is the girl who will never talk about her problems, but she will always listen to yours. The cool girl is not threatened by other girls; in fact she will engage in polite discussion with you about the girls you want to ‘bang’. The cool girl will always look sexy; even when she’s wearing her PJ’s she’ll have a push up bra on. The cool girl is the girl who will never talk to you about her feelings. The cool girl will sleep with you and only you but allow you to put it about. The cool girl never needs or wants clarification on things. The cool girl doesn’t care. The cool girl will always give you a bed to sleep in. The cool girl will laugh at all your shit jokes. The cool girl will be interested in whatever you’re interested in. The cool girl isn’t jealous. The cool girl only speaks when spoken to. The cool girl thinks other girls are ‘crazy’. The cool girl will love your friends and they will love her too… why? Because she’s a cool fucking girl.

The Cool Girl does not exist.

I’m sorry to ruin the hopes and dreams of every male out there. A real ‘cool girl’ has fucking values, has beliefs, has feelings, has ambition, cares for others, cares for herself; a real cool girl is honest, she’s not always looking a ten out of ten, she’s inspired, she’s opinionated, she knows what she wants from someone. A real cool girl will talk, a real cool girl will know what she’s good at; a real cool girl is probably unnoticed. A real cool girl probably passed you by.

Ladies, you are all Real Cool Girls.

‘The Cool Girl’ needs to die. She has been influenced by what we perceive others to want. This is what we imagine is the perfect being but how long do you anticipate you can keep this act up for?

Stop trying to please; because that in itself is not cool.

So to my dear friend Emma, and to any other girl out there trying to be ‘different to all the other girls’ fucking stop it – it’s not cool.

Know your worth.

DISCLAIMER: this is going to be one hella cringey post but I always seem to rant about horrible things – trying to channel PMA into this rant.

I’m one of these people who tries not to regret anything because life would be boring without ups and downs. Any shit that goes down with other people is all part of your story and sometimes it makes things a little more exciting.

If there’s one thing I’ve always struggled with it’s knowing not to question why things happen, why people make the choices they do – the truth is, I’ll never know really, and that should be ok.

It should be ok because there is only one constant in anybody’s life; and that’s you. You’re the person who you’re going to wake up with every day even when the person you’re used to has left. You’re the person who’s going to achieve your goals. Nobody else can do this for you.

In the words of Kendrick Lemar: ‘I LOVE MYSELF’

Self love is not about being vein or stuck up, its having regard for your own health and happiness.

I am sick to death of hearing people but themselves down and base their worth on other peoples opinions. You are unique – as cringey as it sounds, its true. Stop listening to people who aren’t important to you. Look in the mirror, tell yourself what is right about you; not what is wrong. Wear clothes that make you feel incredible. Sing as loud as you can even if you’re bloody terrible. Go to a club and dance like you’re in a music video. Eat like you haven’t eaten in months. Blow kisses to yourself in the mirror. Take 100’s of selfies and know that you look damn good. Strut like Beyonce even when you’re just nipping to the shops in your PJ’s. Burp in peoples faces and still be fucking fabulous. Stop looking at other people and wishing you were them, stop looking at pictures and wanting what they have.

Look around you. What have you got? What do you appreciate? I’ve got so much incredible things happening, and I’m surrounded by some of the best people I’ve ever met. Not everything goes right, and I know that more than most but I’m learning to focus on what has happened and how I’ve overcome it – especially considering I got myself out of the hole I was in last year. Things are good.

If someone doesn’t want you as their friend, or in their life or they get a kick out of saying horrible things about you, then leave them to it. If someone is rejecting you despite your efforts – forget them.  Your value does not decrease by someone’s inability to see your worth They will never have another you in their life. No matter who you are, know your worth. Know what makes you, you and why that makes you special.  Stop comparing yourself to other people. Stop thinking you’re not beautiful just because your friend is thinner than you or gets more attention than you. Stop thinking you’re not clever just because someone’s got a better job than you. Your worth is not based on them, your worth is based on you. Be confident and love yourself. Because why shouldn’t you? Be your best friend. You’re the only person who knows every single thing about you; the good, the bad and the ugly. Self love is so important – do not base your health or happiness on the presence or attention of someone else.

Not everyone is going to appreciate you. Be proud of yourself. Know yourself. Know what you deserve. Know that you are great and others will know as well. Keep your head up. Slay.

Be you.

Because you know what – I am my cup of tea (strong, sweet and too hot for you).

The Fat Debate: The Problem With Plus Size

‘The Fat Debate’ is something we have all been caught up in for years. How big is too big? If you’re happy does your size really matter?  I am overweight in terms of BMI, but I’m not what I would consider ‘fat’. I was the biggest I have ever been last month and I’m now on my way to being the size I have been for the majority of my adolescent life. I’m a standard 12-14.

Body image is a huge thing these days and not just in regards to weight but everything from hair length to tattoos to hairy bits. Weight is something that affects us all, not always in a bad way, but we all weigh something! I personally shudder at the thought of stepping on a scale and document weightloss by how tight my clothes are and how I look (very scientific, I know).

‘Plus Size’ is not only a phrase I fully despise but something that is spoken about frequently these days. Plus Size has been described as a size 12 in some modelling industries which has sparked outrage. I am a size 12-14, I don’t shop for Plus Size clothes but if you put me next to a size 4 (0 if you’re American) model I will most certainly appear Plus Size. So why the outrage? Plus Size is almost becoming a politically correct term for fat. I don’t want to bring out my inner Katie Hopkins here but lets be honest some people use Plus Size and curvy as excuses for being overweight. If, however, you prefer your body bigger, think you look great and you are not in any sort of danger from your size – GO GET UM! Be confident in your own skin!

Some people do not accept that people are built differently. I know for a fact I would look ridiculous being a size 6-8 but I also have friends of this size who would look equally ridiculous being a size 14. Sometimes, the size on your label isn’t down to too many pies, but simply down to your genes. It is also worth noting how people’s metabolisms work; I know size 8 people who could eat twice as much as me and not look any different, and I also know there’s people who only have to look at a slice of pizza to put on a stone. Same goes for lads as well.

I read something interesting today. Jamelia, who sang that cracking song ‘Superstar’ from the naughties and is now a Loose Woman and face of a ‘Self Esteem’ campaign, has been accused of body shaming. On an episode of Loose Women she said she didn’t think high street stores “should be providing clothes” for plus-sized women. “Yes, have specialist shops,” she said, “but you should feel uncomfortable if you are unhealthy.” 

Can somebody please define plus size? Even Google struggled when this was the result:

• (of a woman or women’s clothing) of a larger size than normal; outsize.

What exactly is ‘larger than normal’? Also, why does Jameila want these people walking around naked if she’s so offended by their size anyway? I have to say, I agree that if you’re unhealthy and you are cutting your life shorter by being overweight then you should attempt to change. BUT people have to respect that this may actually be a choice – just like people make a choice to smoke and drink, a choice to eat is also available. Can I also point out that there are petite ranges etc so what shouldn’t we accommodate everyone on the high street? If I’m honest I don’t really think entire shops dedicated to Plus Size women is the way forward. If people are already conscious about how they look why would they want to be seen walking into a ‘fat persons’ shop?

Plus Size is also a dictation of what people should be wearing. Being told that because of your weight you have to wear this and shop in this section. Just like when you see people saying you can’t wear a crop top, or you can’t wear leggings. Who are you to tell people what to wear. Obviously a see through pair of leggings is not the best look – no matter what your size. But that’s due to the quality of the fabric.

Campaigns are trying to encourage Plus Size to become the norm. Take the Dove Real Women campaign. Completely and utterly ridiculous. This is their campaign image:

Women sized 12-16 (at a push) and they all look great. This is supposed to be empowering. I feel fucking confused. Where are the flabby bits? The muffin top? The uneven skin tone? The God damn stretch marks?! Where are the scars and the spots and the non-perfect hair?! Thank goodness they gave one a tattoo and used a range of races – well done Dove! I am not taken in by things like this; I don’t look at this or magazines and think that this is how I should look, but some people will and that is the problem I have with this lunacy.

Get rid of Plus Size and lets just stick with good old fashioned Size. If you’re a size 2 I couldn’t care less, if you’re a size 22 I also couldn’t care less. The only person who should care about your weight is you. And if you think you’re fat; join a gym and eat more fruit and less pizza. If you’re happy with the pizza then fine, good for you!

Only your opinion matters – fuck Dove and fuck Jamelia.