Cool Girl Syndrome

Hello blog, long time no see.

I want to write about a friend of mine, let’s call her Emma for the sake of this post. That isn’t actually her name but you’ll realise why I’ve changed it.

The modern world has changed the way we socialise. It’s changed how we communicate with one another, how we show ourselves to other people, it’s influenced our behaviour, allows us to spy on one another, judge each other, base peoples worth on how many likes they get on Instagram… you get the drift. It’s changed how we date, how we meet and how we form friendships and relationships.

In the case of Emma, she got what I like to call ‘Cool Girl Syndrome’. Cool girl syndrome has many symptoms. CGS can be caught from various sources. It can be from the TV, from the internet, from the person who bullied you, from the guy/girl who broke your heart.

Now if you’ve ever seen the film ‘Gone Girl’ you may know what I’m talking about.

Amy’s monologue in Gone Girl goes like this: ‘Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.’

Now sometimes the modern day, real life girl suffering from ‘Cool Girl Syndrome’ is a lot more subtle and I’d say it’s something most girls are guilty of. Particularly my good friend Emma, who of course knows I’m writing this about her/for her.

The cool girl is the girl who doesn’t really expect dates – in fact she thinks its ridiculous that you’d have to put your hand in your pocket – but that doesn’t mean she’s a feminist because that would of course make her a manhater. The cool girl is the girl who will never talk about her problems, but she will always listen to yours. The cool girl is not threatened by other girls; in fact she will engage in polite discussion with you about the girls you want to ‘bang’. The cool girl will always look sexy; even when she’s wearing her PJ’s she’ll have a push up bra on. The cool girl is the girl who will never talk to you about her feelings. The cool girl will sleep with you and only you but allow you to put it about. The cool girl never needs or wants clarification on things. The cool girl doesn’t care. The cool girl will always give you a bed to sleep in. The cool girl will laugh at all your shit jokes. The cool girl will be interested in whatever you’re interested in. The cool girl isn’t jealous. The cool girl only speaks when spoken to. The cool girl thinks other girls are ‘crazy’. The cool girl will love your friends and they will love her too… why? Because she’s a cool fucking girl.

The Cool Girl does not exist.

I’m sorry to ruin the hopes and dreams of every male out there. A real ‘cool girl’ has fucking values, has beliefs, has feelings, has ambition, cares for others, cares for herself; a real cool girl is honest, she’s not always looking a ten out of ten, she’s inspired, she’s opinionated, she knows what she wants from someone. A real cool girl will talk, a real cool girl will know what she’s good at; a real cool girl is probably unnoticed. A real cool girl probably passed you by.

Ladies, you are all Real Cool Girls.

‘The Cool Girl’ needs to die. She has been influenced by what we perceive others to want. This is what we imagine is the perfect being but how long do you anticipate you can keep this act up for?

Stop trying to please; because that in itself is not cool.

So to my dear friend Emma, and to any other girl out there trying to be ‘different to all the other girls’ fucking stop it – it’s not cool.